So here's the deal...

I have a job interview tomorrow morning. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. I haven't had a job interview in almost eight years. In fact, this is only the second job I've applied for in the past eight years. Here's the really sad and pathetic part: As soon as I got a call that they wanted me to come in for an interview, I panicked. Not just panicked, but got a horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had over one week to think about it and prepare, but even now, less than 24 hours from the interview, I still get that sinking feeling.

Why? Because I don't feel prepared. Because it has been so long since I've interviewed. Because I'm rusty. And because I'm so afraid of making a fool of myself. Maybe I'll stammer or trail off in mid-thought. Or worse, maybe I won't even know how to answer a question. I've tried everything to calm myself down. I've told myself that I'm not desperate for this job because I already have one. I've tried telling myself that as much as they're interviewing me, this is a two-way street and I have questions for them. I've even gone so far as to think If I make a total fool of myself, I'll never have to see these people again. Trust me, it's not working. The only good thing is that I caught a nasty head cold - stuffy nose, sniffles, headache, cough, and an ear ache. Why is this such good news, you ask. Because it just might be what I need to get through the interview. Maybe my red nose, lack of sleep and energy, and my throbbing ear will give me just a hint of an I-don't-care attitude. It's almost like something to fall back on if I really do screw up. Blame it on the head cold. It's a cop out, I know, but seriously, I just want to be able to go in there and sound intelligent enough that they don't cut the interview short and tell me to leave.

I pray that the interview leans more toward the conversational side than me sitting on the opposite side of the table being grilled by all of these people (another reason to panic - a group interview). Ugh. I'm sick just thinking about it. All I can do is prepare and hope for the best. Oh...and do my best not to sneeze or cough.

50/50

I'm anxious. Anxious and sick. Patrick got a call yesterday about the job he interviewed for a few weeks ago. It was his second interview and it was down to him and one other candidate. They told him it would be a few weeks before they decided anything, so we weren't too worried. OK, I'm lying. I was freaking out. Why? Because November will mark one year that Patrick has been unemployed. One year. It has been scary, frustrating, humbling, and migraine-inducing.

They called and left a message asking him to call back. He did, but had to leave a message. So the waiting continues. We assume he'll know their decision today. My gut tells me he didn't get the job, but I don't know if that's really my gut, or if it's a defense mechanism so if he doesn't get it I can say, "I knew it."

I know I'm putting entirely too much weight on this one job, but when you're closing in on a full year of one paycheck and unemployment, it's that much more important.

Right now

• I'm waiting for the painkillers to kick in so my migraine will go away.


• I'm eating Goldfish crackers because the meds leave a funny taste in my mouth.


• I'm daydreaming instead of working.


• I'm grateful for Patrick taking Griffin into day care this morning - my head was hurting too much to deal with the daily battle of getting Griffin dressed and out the door.


• I'm happy that it's Friday - looking forward to playing with Griffin this weekend.


• I'm proud that I've been keeping up with my writing goal.


• I'm determined that I will finish this first draft by Griffin's birthday (July 22) - only 21,969 more words.


• I'm disgusted with the Chicago Cubs, yet I feel compelled to watch each game.


• I hope my boss approves my request for a week of vacation at the end of July so I can play with Griffin and prepare for his 2nd b-day party


• I'm grateful for our state-issued health insurance for Griffin. It has saved us hundreds of dollars so far...maybe even thousands once Griffin gets his ear surgery. In all honesty, based on our income, we pay NO premium, NO co-pay, and all of his generic meds are free. I can't say enough how absolutely grateful I am to the state of Iowa.

Swamped

I hate to keep saying this, but I have been swamped the past month. I've written more grants than I care to remember, we're in the midst of celebrating our agency's 40th anniversary (which includes a huge special event and fundraising), and like usual this time of year, we have our annual golf event.

The golf event is on Monday and that day can't get here soon enough. It's the build-up to that day that just about kills me each year. Imagine planning a wedding for 200 people every year, but without the fancy dress, dancing, and cake.

I'm looking forward to blogging more once the event is over.

Three more months

I'm back again after another long blogging hiatus. Things have been hectic. Griffin got really sick again, this time with a case of double pneumonia. Poor baby missed an entire week of day care. Normally, Patrick and I would check our schedules and see who could stay home what day and then we'd just take turns taking a day off from work. Here's the thing...something I have been avoiding writing about because, well, it's embarrassing. We couldn't take turns this time because only one of us is employed right now. That person is me.

I'm not even going to go on and on about why this is the case. Let's just say the economy is to blame. Patrick has been collecting unemployment since July 2009. And before anyone jumps to any conclusions, Patrick has not been searching for a job that whole time. The unemployment benefits were supposed to be a temporary solution while his company got back on their feet. He made the decision a couple of months ago to actively search for a job, which he has been doing all day and all night since December. Also, I don't want to hear about how he should have thought more about his family when he started on unemployment and looked for a job back then, because I've had the discussion with him numerous times. He was being loyal and didn't want to leave them in a bind. Patrick's a good guy, but look where that got him.

And to top it all off, we lost our health insurance at the end of February. I signed Patrick and myself up on my work plan, which means we're down another $265 per month. If I signed up the whole family, I would have paid $530 per month - we just couldn't afford that. So, I signed the boys up for HAWK-I services that are offered through the State of Iowa for uninsured children whose family meets specific income limits. Say what you want about Iowa, but they know how to take care of their children. The most we would pay for their health insurance would be $40 per month.

Patrick's had some interviews and there is a really good job that's basically waiting for him, but the position won't open until summer. He's going back to bartending, which I dread, but we don't have many options at this point. His unemployment runs out in three months. Three months. That's it. We are way behind in our mortgage (I get to field those calls just about every day). We can't afford to pay it now with my salary and his unemployment checks. But in three months, we'll only have my salary...and I work for a non-profit. You do the math.

When the cat's away

My boss is on vacation, which means I get to do things like call Babies R Us and find out why the Graco stroller I ordered is on backorder again. The last time they just up and cancelled my order and when I called to complain that their web site said the item was back in-stock, I got a 10% discount and free shipping. However, I've yet to receive the stroller...only an e-mail telling me that it has been backordered again. Hmm.

Oh, Graco Ipo stroller. How I wish I had you on these beautiful summer days...

I lost 5 pounds on the way to my car

Alternate Title: It's f'ing hot outside.

Alternate, Alternate Title: Why did I wear black pants to work?

Uninspired

I've been terribly uninspired lately. I've just been trying to get through the day-to-day stuff - work, bills, cleaning. And then there's the other stuff that crops up. Griffin's cold that turned into bronchitis. His baptism that's coming up on Sunday (which means more cleaning, more money spent on food, and many, many trips to the store to find an appropriate outfit for him to wear).

I really thought things would calm down after the golf event at work was over and I was able to take some vacation time once again (this time last year I was saving up all of my time for maternity leave), but right now it feels just as hectic and I'm really disappointed. I was imagining taking walks with Griffin and going to the park. Instead, I come home from work and I'm exhausted and he's still in that phase where he needs a bit of a late afternoon nap or he turns into a bit of a monster (a cute one, but a monster nonetheless). Balancing a baby's needs with the schedule of a 12-year old is quite challenging and I struggle with it all the time - naps and baths vs Little League and science fairs. Sometimes it's too much.

So I'm overwhelmed and therefore uninspired to write much.

In just a few minutes

I need to go to bed. I really, really need to go to bed. I have no idea what happened to this day. Last night at 7:30 PM I knew I was going to wake up with a migraine. And I did. I was irritable and really sleepy (way more than usual for both of those).

I ended up working from home today and I thought I had all kinds of time and before I knew it, the day was over. Well, technically, the day still isn't over, but I'm not being technical.

So this is how my evening went:

Pick up Griffin from day care
Tiptoe through the house while he takes a much needed nap
Try to finish writing a grant while he takes a much needed nap
Wish I was taking a much needed nap instead of writing a grant
Cringe when I hear Griffin wake up from much needed, but short-lived nap
Feed Griffin
Play with Griffin
Wrestle Griffin (aka Diaper Change)
Stress out for a moment when he starts to gag on a Goldfish cracker
Take Griffin to Duncan's baseball game
Realize we show up at the wrong diamond
Drive to the correct diamond and watch some of the game
Leave when Griffin gets fussy
Feed Griffin
Watch him crawl across the ceramic tile and lean against the front door
Hug him when he bangs his head into the front door and cries
Hand Griffin to Patrick when he walks in the door
Finish making dinner
Eat dinner by myself while watching the repeat of the Cubs game
Finish writing grant
Realize that I am not prepared for 7:30 AM marketing meeting
Find notes for marketing meeting
Skim notes and decide to fake it

In other news, I took some pictures of Griffin in his new monogrammed chair from Nana and Baba, but the batteries in my camera died and the cord to upload the pictures onto my computer is in my car and I'm all sorts of lazy right now and am not about to walk the 15 feet to the garage to get it. Lady busy, maybe later. There's an off chance that my sister will read this and understand that last sentence...

Busy

I'm really busy at work these days. Lots of grants (five of them due tomorrow) plus the annual golf event on May 11th. No time for the blog.

Griffin had his first two spills this week. He took a header into the coffee table while he was standing on the couch and then he fell against the ottoman while he was holding onto it (this doesn't sound painful, but it's the ottoman that came with the glider and has some wooden parts on it, so he had a bit of a bump near his eye).

I hope to be back to blogging as soon as the golf event is over.

Most interesting spam subject yet...

This was in my spam filter at work:

"Let's visit land of cakes tonight"

Um...OK! {I love cake - especially since giving up all sweets for Lent - but now I'm wondering if this is some sort of euphemism for a weird sexual position/activity that I'm too old to know about, in which case I change my mind. Maybe.}

Does this mean that I'm really, really lazy?

I've been sick for two weeks...taking care of a baby who has been sick for two weeks. We're both on antibiotics. We're both cranky. We both need more sleep than we're getting. Add to the mix that I have an all-day retreat with our board of directors tomorrow morning to discuss strategic planning, and I'm about to slit my wrists.

I'm home alone tonight and decided that I was just going to take my shower this evening, saving myself some time in the morning when I assume I'll still feel like crap. Normally I can't do this because I've been cursed with curly hair and after a night of sleeping (or tossing and turning), let's just say it's not a good look. To make things even easier, I straightened my hair so all I have to do is do a quick touch-up.

So after my shower I start to put on my jammies and I think that I just might wear the black tank that I plan on wearing underneath my sweater tomorrow. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and feeling really warm and a tank is perfect because I can always throw on a zip-up sweatshirt if I feel too cool. The bonus is that I'll already be wearing part of my work outfit.

Then I hit a new low when I spotted my bra and slipped that on underneath the tank. Lazy or just really efficient?

Hide 'n seek...

No matter where I live, the courts seem to track me down for jury duty. When I lived in Chicago, I got summoned more times than I like to remember. When I lived in Sycamore, Cook County still tried to summon me (I even called them and told them I had moved and would be willing to fax them a copy of the lease from my apartment, but I was NOT going back to Chicago to appear for jury duty). When I moved to Davenport I got summoned, and just a few weeks ago I received another summons. Patrick has lived here his entire life and I don't think he has ever been summoned. What is it about me?

The last time I went to court for jury duty, I had numerous people tell me to bring a book and be prepared for a long, boring day. Not three pages into my book and I got called into the first panel of potential jurors. I then spent the next seven hours in the courtroom listening to people trying to explain themselves out of jury duty. Unfortunately, I was seated in the Juror #11 seat, so I had to wait all day until they finally got to me. After three brief questions from the judge, I was dismissed (much to the dismay of the defense attorney who wanted me there because of my extensive background in psychology). I was handed a check for $17, which barely covered my train fare back home and prayed that I would never get called again.

I'm scheduled to appear for duty on Monday (yep, Scott County is open on the holiday). I'm swamped at work - three grants due by the 27th, a special event that I am in charge of coordinating, and two huge United Way presentations. They don't consider workload a reason to be excused, so I really hope they take one look at my sleep-deprived face (or make that listen to my sleep-deprived rambling) and kick me right out of there. Any chance they'll have sympathy for a new mom who hasn't hit a REM-cycle in about 7 months?

I love me some peaches...

This is a short post as I am swamped with grants. I finished the two United Way grants last week and I already have two more due by the end of this month (and then three more in February and so on and so on...).

Therefore, this is a brief post about how Griffin finally ate some "real" food. The kid did not want cereal (rice or oatmeal), so I gave in to my gut and gave him some peaches. The first two bites, he spit right back out, but then again, all he does these days is spit so I wasn't too concerned. After the third bite it was like a light turned on in his brain: Hey! This stuff is pretty good! Then he swallowed it, grabbed the spoon from my hands and sucked all the peaches off it like he hadn't eaten in weeks. If he could speak I know he would have said, "Why have you been keeping this from me all these months?"

So here he is in all his messy, peachy glory:

Hot damn!

I went into our supply cabinet at work to get myself a new pen, and to my surprise, I found an entire box of my favorite pens... and the box had my name on it! A whole box of pens just for little 'ol me.

Ugh

I'm dreading today's 5-hour management meeting. Is a 5-hour meeting really necessary? Probably not, but we're having it anyway. I developed a headache last night in anticipation of sitting in this ultra-warm room with a bunch of my co-workers who talk entirely too much (hence the need for a 5-hour meeting).

At least we're getting compensated with lunch...and apparently some good baklava.

Ugh

It's 10:15 PM...so why the heck am I still working on a stupid financial spreadsheet for work?

This Blog Is Getting Boring

I am fully aware that this blog is either A) me ranting about gestational diabetes (and boy, could I go off on another tangent right now!) or B) me writing nothing for days on end.

Here's the deal - I'm swamped at work with trying to complete my "regular" projects, as well as preparing for my upcoming maternity leave. Right now I'm scheduled for 8 weeks of leave, but my boss and I have spoken about the possibility of me taking the full 12 weeks if it's financially possible. And since I am the entire Development Department at work, I don't really have anyone who can help pick up the slack while I'm gone. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to get any help, it just means that the more work I get done before I have the baby, the better.

Right now I have three grants due by the end of June and I just found out that I have another three HUGE grants due in the next 3-4 weeks (this is according to my boss - the deadline is probably the end of July, but she is convinced that I will have to deliver the baby early due to the aforementioned gestational diabetes).

On top of work, we're finishing the nursery, fixing up the basement for when my parents visit, and dealing with everyday life.

So this is why this blog has been so boring.

Fore!

Our annual golf event is coming up on Monday. This means that I have been stressed beyond belief at work, and that I worked most of last night and am doing more work this weekend. It all will be over in a couple of days. The day of the event is long and tiring, but by then all the prep work is over - it's all about staying on top of things.

This is my sixth year of coordinating the event. I thought things would get easier by now, but this year we added a couple of new people to our committee, which means that they have new ideas I need to implement.

I should get back to work. I really don't have much more to do, and I know that I will feel so much better if I can get this done this afternoon so I can enjoy my evening and my day tomorrow.

I probably won't post anything else until Tuesday (well, maybe Monday night if I'm feeling OK). I'm really looking forward to having another event behind me. It's like planning a wedding for 160 people each year. I didn't even have that many people at my own wedding...

Swamped

I just completed a final report for a local community foundation that helped fund a parenting strategies workshop we hosted. I have two grants that are due by Thursday, and I'm in the midst of coordinating our annual golf event, which is set for Monday, May 12th.

I'm trying to keep my head above water, but I think I'm drowning...