Apr 28, 2008


I just completed a final report for a local community foundation that helped fund a parenting strategies workshop we hosted. I have two grants that are due by Thursday, and I'm in the midst of coordinating our annual golf event, which is set for Monday, May 12th.

I'm trying to keep my head above water, but I think I'm drowning...

Apr 25, 2008

That's What She Said

Last night I had a dream that I was married to Jim Halpert (not the actor who plays Jim, but the actual character). We were having a baby and he bought me a milkshake because he "thought the baby would like it."


Apr 21, 2008

Give Me a Break

I just got back from the doctor and I was diagnosed with another case of severe bronchitis. It is so painful to cough and to walk and to breathe.

I hope this is it because I've reached the end of my rope.

Apr 20, 2008

I'm Sick

I'm sick...again. I woke up a couple of days ago with a scratchy throat - I knew it was coming. I now have a full blown cold. My throat is fine, but my head and face and nose are so congested. I have an earache and my head is throbbing. I haven't really slept in two days.

I've been sick since March 10th. It is now April 20th.

I'm sick of being sick.

I'm also growing sick of the people that live with me. Now, this might be because I haven't felt well in six weeks, or it might be because I'm hormonal. I really think it's because both people that live with me place everything else in life (baseball, basketball, friends, tv, the internet, etc.) above anything related to this family. Does anyone care that I've been sick for six weeks AND I'm carrying an almost 2 pound human being inside me? Does anyone realize that while I can still get around very well, my back hurts if I stand too long, so maybe someone could offer to unload the dishwasher? Do you think anyone thinks that in only a few short months there will be another person in this house and that MAYBE they could help clean their crap out of the spare bedroom? What about just spending time as a family? Watching a movie together or playing a game? I have this conversation over and over and it doesn't seem to get through to anyone. I can't do everything by myself. I couldn't do it before getting pregnant and I sure as heck can't do it now.

Am I just feeling sorry for myself? Possibly...but I know I have some valid points. I feel like I'm the least important thing around here. You all are witnessing me turn into my mother by saying this next thing: It's like I'm the maid, the chauffeur, the cook, and the financial planner all rolled into one. It's not like I'm dealing with a couple of little kids, but even then I'd expect some help. Seriously, get off your flippin' butts and help me. Show me some concern. Show me that you understand that I don't feel well.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown from constantly taking on so much and having this same conversation over and over and over.

I'm sick of it.

Apr 18, 2008

The Umbrella

I had a great idea for a post about this umbrella my parents bought me when I was five or six years old. I started writing it, but deleted it a number of times. I know what I want to say, but it's just not coming out right. I have such a distinct memory about this umbrella - what was on it, the way I used to hold, the sense of comfort it gave me.

I'll have to try again later...

Apr 16, 2008


My mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital this afternoon due to complications from her chemotherapy - apparently the diagnosis is congestive heart failure. She managed to get through 5 of her 6 chemo treatments without too many complications (some fatigue, nausea, and loss of appetite). All things considered, she was doing quite well...but now this.

Patrick and Duncan are at the hospital - she will be there at least over night. I haven't heard anything else since they left at around 7 PM. I hope they come back with some better news.

Apr 15, 2008

Fatty Boom Boom

I've been struggling over the past few days to deal with the changes to my body. I said goodbye to my waist sometime last week. My boobs are bigger than I'd like them to be, and I just feel...thick.

I've eased my way into maternity clothes over the past 6 weeks or so. I started with pants and I'm still not quite into maternity shirts. The billowy ones make me look huge, but "regular" shirts are a bit too snug. So, I've basically been rotating the few shirts and pants that I can fit into. I thought I'd be one of those people who hates something sitting against my stomach, so I bought the "low-rise" maternity pants at Old Navy. They're great, except that after I wear them once, they sag in the butt and hips and I have to hike them up all day. Plus, the low-rise band cuts me really weird in my waist (or what's left of it). I think that's why I cringe when I look in the mirror. I need some clothes that make me look my true size - a relatively small, but increasingly growing pregnant woman.

The bottom line is that I feel like an Oompa Loompa. I've decided to go to Target and see what they have that could help me stop hating the way I look. I have a gift card from Christmas, so I won't feel guilty spending any money. Patrick offered me his $50 Target gift card so I could buy more clothes.

All that did was set the hormonal tears rolling down my face. God, I love him (but I turned down his offer - he needs to buy something fun for himself).

Apr 10, 2008

In Better Late Then Never News...

Anyone who has been reading this blog (that would be, like, 3 people) knows that Patrick and I had a very difficult January when we lost both of our cats - Mr. Jordan and Boo Boo Kitty. Losing both of them in less than a week was just awful, and we were left with a void. However, I was quite content to live in a petless home for a while. It sounds mean, but Nellie (Boo Boo Kitty) was diabetic and she required so much care that in a way, it was a relief not to have to worry about her insulin shots every 12 hours, or worry about her special food or her potassium supplements.

Patrick was really in a funk and would stop by the animal shelter every week to look at the cats. I warned him not to bring home a cat without talking to me first. His last words were, "You know I'd never do that."

February 14, 2008: I'm sitting on the couch watching the NIU shooting unfold on every major news station when in walks Patrick, holding a huge wicker basket. Inside was the largest cat I've ever seen in my life. Jordan and Boo both were big cats in the prime of their lives - about 16 pounds. This cat, who is only 2 years old, is already 18 pounds and according to what we've read, won't reach his maximum weight for another couple of years.

I'm not even going to go into my reaction, and instead will just share a couple of pictures of him with you. His name is Cubbie Bear, but we just call him Bear (and of course, I've already got nicknames for him - Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, Kitty McBossy, Bear Kitty, and the list goes on and on):

Bear likes to go "belly up" to try to get someone to pet him. I tell him he looks like roadkill...hence his other nickname - Roadkill Kitty. So mean, but he loves it.

Sometimes when he sleeps all curled up he looks like Boo, and I have to do a double take. It makes me really miss her. I really like Bear - he's very sweet and cuddly...but he's no Boo.

23 Weeks and Counting...

I know some people who are taking pictures every week, but to be honest, a) I keep forgetting and b) I don't see much change on a weekly basis. So here's what I look like now (this was taken on Sunday when I was exactly 23 weeks):

I've definitely moved out of the I-look-like-I've-had-too-many-Krispy-Kreme-donuts phase. I felt stuck there for a while. However, I still don't think strangers think I'm pregnant. I'm sure one of these days I'll be huge and will miss the "Krispy Kreme" days...


I woke up feeling yucky today. There seems to be no other word to describe it. I feel yucky in the physical sense. I'm still on antibiotics and having side effects. I'm feeling more cumbersome as the days pass. I'm also feeling sort of breathless. Is it the lingering effects of the bronchitis? Is it my asthma acting up in this weather?

Then I feel yucky in the emotional sense, but this time, I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm tired and I feel worn down (I blame this on being sick for so long). I'm absolutely swamped at work with two grants due on May 1st and our annual special event on May 12th (both of which I am in charge of). I enjoy my job - I wouldn't have lasted here five years if I didn't, but I feel like I am entering this sort of lull. I'm not itching to get out of here or anything, but...sometimes I just get tired of everything. The past few weeks I've been getting pulled in so many different directions. Everyone loves to offer up their suggestions, but they don't take the time to think through the logistical issues. They want to get their way, and I'm growing more and more tired of constantly telling them no.

To top it off, today is my yearly performance review. That's enough to make anyone feel yucky.

Also on the emotional level is the fact that just about every weekend from now until the beginning of July is booked - birthdays, holidays, staff training at work, etc. I just want some down time. I want to do things around the house. I want to read. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch in a quiet room for five minutes.

I hope this passes. I don't like feeling like this.

Apr 4, 2008

Another Great Quiz

I found this quiz on Marie's blog and I just had to try it for myself.

You Are A Blue Girl

Relationships and feelings are the most important things to you.

You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict.

If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.

You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.

Apr 2, 2008

Round Two

So I had to go back to the doctor yesterday afternoon after developing a bad cough (actually, it never really went away, but came back with a vengeance) and an extremely sharp pain in the upper-right side of my back.

It turns out that the bronchitis never fully cleared up and I also developed a sinus infection. I'm on a different antibiotic, so hopefully both infections will clear up...soon. I am quickly approaching the 4-week mark of being sick. I'm not even counting the mild case of bronchitis I had in mid-February (although I don't think I ever felt 100% after that bout).

I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of antibiotics. I'm tired of being tired.

Forgive me for being a whiner, but I really needed to get that out of my system. Now if only I could get these infections out of my system.