Aug 25, 2008

Another Visit to the Doctor

We weren't scheduled to have another doctor's appointment until the end of September, but due to some frustrating (and heartbreaking - for me) symptoms, we brought Griffin in this morning. Diagnosis: Colic. Ugh. It's difficult to watch him in so much discomfort and it honestly breaks my heart to watch him scream and tense up his entire body the way he does. These "fits" come at various times of the day and have lasted for as long as 2 hours at a time. I hate it. I'm sure he does, too. The good news is that colic usually only lasts for a few months. The really good news is that he's thriving and growing each day. He's now up to 10 lbs 4 oz and is 22 inches long.

He's also super cute :-)

Aug 20, 2008


I'm experiencing horrible migraines on an almost daily basis. Yesterday was a blur - lots of narcotic painkillers and very little sleep. I'm in the midst of a vicious cycle. I'm sleep deprived (or even if I do get 6 hours of sleep, it's not consecutive due to my shift of the early morning feedings). So between the post-partum hormones swirling around my body and the disrupted sleep, I'm getting migraine after migraine. The medication only makes me more tired, so I nap when I can, but I feel like I will never catch up. Each day brings the same cycle - disrupted sleep, migraine, medication, more fatigue, etc. It's like the movie Groundhog Day...

Aug 15, 2008

No Rest for the Weary

I have never been so tired in my entire freaking life. In fact, tired doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. And you know...I'm too whatever-the-right-word-is to even try to describe it. This morning Griffin was up at 4 AM for a feeding. No problem, right? Wrong. He then decided that he didn't want to go back to sleep, so we've been up ever since. I took him downstairs where I could at least distract myself with the television (thank goodness for those Olympics!). I held him close to me and wrapped us both in an afghan that I crocheted last year. He fell asleep immediately and I was left to watch volleyball or handball or some other sport - It's all a blur and I don't remember what I even watched.

So I'm totally sleep-deprived, which I must say is a million times worse than getting no sleep at all. I didn't sleep for almost 48 hours when I was in labor and after I delivered the baby, but it was so much easier than sleeping in little increments. I've discovered that Griffin is the boss of me these days (and weeks) and I just need to deal with it. Here he is doing what he does best (and doing what I want to do so badly):

Aug 9, 2008

The Blues

I guess you could say the baby blues have come for a visit. It started last week and I've been on an emotional rollercoaster since. It's a combination of things - fluctuating hormones, raging migraines, major sleep deprivation, residual pain from the delivery, etc. Just one of those things is enough to push me over the emotional edge, but the fact that I'm dealing with them all at once, well...what can I say?

I cry. A lot. I wish I was crying over silly things like the fact that the wheat bread was moldy, or that I didn't get the outgoing mail into the mailbox in time. But I'm crying for bigger reasons. I'm so exhausted from getting up for feedings every two hours. I've had migraines for I don't know how many days in a row. I feel like a bad mom because I get frustrated at 3 AM when Griffin falls asleep halfway through a feeding, or when he cries as soon as I get him in his crib (even though he spent the previous 10 minutes asleep in my arms). Right now I feel like a bad mom because he's wearing a onesie with formula and antibiotic stains on the front of it. I'm just too tired to take him upstairs and change it.

I look at him sleeping (and even eating) and I feel so much love for him, but then I dip into the emotions of inadequacy, fear of failure, guilty for wanting one night of solid sleep (even just 5 straight hours).

I was prepared for some of the postpartum issues, but in no way was prepared for the emotional rollercoaster. No one told me that I might feel so overwhelmed and exhausted and inadequate. I'm doing my best. I've talked to some of my friends, and my mom has been such a great support system. Patrick hugs me during my crying spells and tells me that it will be OK. Deep down, I know it will be, but sometimes it feels so good to hear it.

Aug 3, 2008

A Whale of a Tale (umm...make that tailbone)

I found out on Friday that I fractured my tailbone during delivery. I never knew you could do that, but then again, what do you expect when pushing a 7+ pound human being out of your body?

I did hear and feel a pop during those last 45 minutes of pushing, but I wasn't really focused on it at that time. still hurts. A lot. My doctor said to expect it to take 6-8 weeks before it heals. Good times.