I haven't had many cravings since being pregnant - except ice-cold orange juice (but I've always loved orange juice, so I don't really count that as a craving...although now it has to be as cold as possible). Anyway, back to my point. I haven't had many cravings, but for some reason I cannot stop thinking about potato salad. The old-fashioned kind with lots of mayonnaise and celery and hard-boiled eggs.
I'm hungry and I feel like I could eat a bowl of it right now. I can't eat that much because I'll be sick, but I am thinking about stopping at the grocery store on the way home and picking some up from the deli (I'm too hungry to make it myself).
A quick visit from my parents yesterday/this morning should have done nothing but made me happy. So why do I feel so down today? They're still in town while I'm at work this morning. We will be going to lunch around 12 PM and then they are heading home. They got into town yesterday afternoon and I took a last-minute half day of vacation so we could spend more time together. We went to lunch and drove around Davenport looking for a dresser for the nursery (which is still the spare bedroom and filled with clothes that need to be taken to Goodwill).
I guess I realized how much I miss them...especially during this time in my life. I miss being able to just meet up for lunch without having to make "plans" weeks in advance. I miss running around town with my mom - hitting Target, Costco, Old Navy, etc. Most of the time we didn't buy anything, but just being together was so much fun.
So here I am, about to start my 6th month of pregnancy and I don't have anyone to run around town with. Yes, there is Patrick, but seriously, is he going to want to spend his free time watching me try on maternity clothes and giggling at how baggy my pants are in the ass because while my belly is growing, my butt has stayed the same? Probably not. I know he would go if I asked him, but it's never as much fun as going with your mom or sister or friends. So I go by myself to Old Navy and Target. I watch all the other pregnant women with their moms or sisters, and it makes me sad.
Maybe I'm just being emotional (I've been crying at stupid things lately). I wish I had more friends out here. I miss my friends from back home. I know that I've lived here for five years already, but I haven't been very successful at meeting new people. I work with some great people, but most of these women have adult children, which makes it difficult. We don't really have any "couple friends" either. I'm shy and while I can talk up a storm with people, I still find it difficult to initiate plans. I always assume they have other friends they'd rather hang out with. This is turning into a pathetic post.
The bottom line is that I miss my family. I wish we lived closer so we could see each other more often. I miss having good friends that live near me. I wish I didn't have to do some of the fun pregnancy stuff alone.
There's no rhyme or reason for any of these obsessions, just things that I can't stop thinking/talking about:
1) Hip Hop Abs - I watch this infomercial whenever it's on (which is usually sometime between 2 AM and 4 AM). I am obsessed with the music and the bouncing movement that is supposed to give you fabulous abs. I don't buy into the guarantee of any of these kinds of DVDs, but I can see from a physiological standpoint how it can help shed fat (through cardio work) and sculpt more toned abs. I lay in bed at night and think, "I can't wait to do Hip Hop Abs." I know full well that it will be many months before I can do this, but it just looks like so much fun. By the way, I may be an infomercial-watching junkie, but I don't buy things from infomericals (aside from my future purchase of this DVD). I dare you to click on the link...you're so gonna' be obsessed...
2) Baby Weight Gain - Why is it that it's OK to ask a pregnant woman how much she weighs? I am constantly comparing myself to other pregnant women when it comes to weight gain and the size of my belly. I have gained a very small amount and was worried that something was wrong with the baby. I know that everything is OK, but it doesn't help when people constantly ask me where my belly is - how could I be so far along and not show? Since my doctor's appointments are still only once a month, I weigh myself once a week to see if I am gaining anything. I am trying to gain steadily, but am not having much luck. My fear is that all of a sudden, I'll gain like 10 pounds in a week, which isn't a good thing. And where is the belly? I mean, I can see that there is a difference when I change clothes, but outwardly, I pretty much look the same. I'm just about to start my 6th month, so I figure I've got to start showing soon.
3) Top Chef - I started watching this show a couple of years ago, and now I'm obsessed. I want it to be on TV every night. I love to cook, and I watch cooking shows religiously, but Top Chef is all about the 5-star restaurant type of food that not only do I not cook, I don't even eat it. However, I love to watch people be creative with food. I love the judges (and isn't Padma the most gorgeous human being...ever?), I love how these contestants work under such stress, I love the fancy food. OK, now I'm hungry...
4) Strawberry Daiquiris - OK, before anyone freaks out, I have NOT had any alcohol since getting pregnant. In fact, I'm not that much of a drinker, but I do like the occasional daiquiri. I think it's because I know I can't have one that makes me so obsessed. I think about them all day and even like to look at pictures of the fruity, frosty beverage. Wow, that's sad.
5) Mexican food - I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the hotter, the better. I've always enjoyed Mexican food, but lately, it has become an obsession. The other day at work, I had a 5-minute discussion with a co-worker on chalupas. A couple of nights ago, I was trying to figure out what to have for dinner and I had to stop myself from opening a can of refried beans. I knew I needed to eat something a bit more substantial, but all I really wanted were refried beans doused with super-hot sauce. Patrick is getting a bit tired of me making Mexican food for dinner, or requesting we hit a local Mexican restaurant when we go out for dinner. It's so strange.
Everything turned out just fine last week. My bloodwork came back as normal and the ultrasound looked good - baby is growing and is right on track (12 ounces and approximately 6.5 inches from top of head to butt).
We did choose to find out the sex and we're having a little boy! I feel funny putting an exclamation point after that sentence because it sounds like I'm more excited about having a boy, when in fact, I would use the same exclamation point if it was a girl.
Here's another picture of his foot (the tech said his toes were very big, so I'm concerned that we're actually having a Yeti):
Today is my grandpa's 92nd birthday. Every year I look forward to his birthday lunch...and I have never missed it. Except this year. Maybe.
I'm on Day 5 of this round of bronchitis, and I'm at that interesting stage (and those of you who have been through it can understand and possibly sympathize) where it all comes to a head. The antibiotics are working and the crap that has been in my lungs is deciding to pack up and leave. On the surface, this sounds great, right? And it is, however, there is only one way out. And that, my friends, is where things go wrong. With everything finally "breaking up" in my lungs, I am coughing more than ever. I wish the crap would just dissipate, but I have to put in some serious work to get rid of it. This means coughing almost non-stop. It means hunching over with a heating pad covering my back (sometimes on my hands and knees) to cough. It means coughing until my eyes water and coughing until I pull a muscle (I've already pulled two). It means coughing until I gag...and then coughing some more.
Last night was the first night I actually started to sleep, but I awoke every 45 minutes like clockwork to cough. My night went something like this: Cough for 5 minutes. Spend the next 10 minutes recovering. Fall asleep for 45 minutes. Wake up and cough for 5 minutes. That was the cycle for the entire evening.
So my dilemma is whether or not I feel well enough to head to Chicago for the weekend. I want to see my family so badly - my parents, my grandparents, my sister and her kids. I feel pretty awful, but I tell myself to suck it up and just go. But then I wonder if I will do more harm than good. I haven't had much sleep in almost a week, and I don't know if the 3-hour drive each way combined with all the activity will push back my recovery. I can't imagine missing my grandpa's birthday, but I also worry about getting all the way there only to realize that I feel awful and want to turn around and go home - there is nothing worse than feeling stuck like that.
What am I supposed to do? My parents say they completely understand (and I know they do), and I know that with being so sick and being pregnant, I really need to watch out for myself and the baby. It's just that I was looking forward to this weekend for so long.
I need to decide by this afternoon. I hate situations like this.
It's 4 AM and I'm awake. I think I slept for almost 3 hours - not continuously, though. I guess it's somewhat of an improvement.
My stupid, crappy lungs woke me up - they're filled with a bunch of fluid and they're trying to get rid of it. So I cough...and I cough...and I cough. I tried going back to sleep, but that seems futile at this point.
Really...how much more crap can possibly be in my lungs after four straight days of coughing? On second thought, maybe I don't want to know that answer...
This update was supposed to be about the ultrasound we had on Tuesday. Unfortunately, my illness has overshadowed that. My bronchitis continued to worsen. I went back to the doctor and was told that my lungs sounded "very coarse." I was put on an antibiotic. I haven't slept in 3 days. I coughed so hard that I pulled a muscle in my side. My back hurts so much from coughing that I can't straighten up when I walk.
I went to the emergency care center this morning at 7 AM. Thank goodness there was no wait to get in. The doctor suspected pneumonia, but could not be sure (I can't have a chest x-ray) because as they listened to my lungs they heard a lot of wheezing (gotta' love that asthma). So, after two breathing treatments, they listened again to see if they could spot any pneumonia. Thankfully, they didn't. I ended up having a severe case of bronchitis coupled with an asthma attack. Definitely not a good combo.
I get bronchitis at least once a year, and i have to say that this is the worst case I've had since 2000. I'm miserable. Every time I breathe, it feels like someone has swung a baseball bat at my chest and back. Taking a deep breath is incredibly painful, but all I can take are my inhalers, Tylenol, and some Robitussin.
I will post the second medical update (the ultrasound) when I am more alert and actually have the pictures scanned (I'm not at the office right now, and we do not have a scanner at home).
Today is our ultrasound, and I was looking forward to it all week. Now, however, I am more focused on the fact that I believe that I might have pneumonia. I developed a cough yesterday morning. I also had some head congestion, so I believed it was just a cold. However, the coughing got so bad so fast that I began to worry. Usually my bronchitis takes a couple of days to develop, but this was less than 24 hours. It is very deep in my chest - kind of like the cough (which is now more of a bark) sounds and feels like it is coming from my toes. My asthma is acting up and despite the use of my inhaler, I cannot get a good deep breath. The pain and tightness in the middle of my back has me concerned as well.
I know I won't be able to get into my doctor for a while, so I am waiting for the "quick-med" place to open at 7 AM. I hope everything is OK.
I started coughing again last night. It wasn't anything too serious, but then I woke up this morning with half of my face completely congested. And then the coughing got worse. I took some Sudafed for the congestion, with some relief, but the only Robitussin I have also contains codeine. I didn't want to take that while I was at work, so right now I've got nothing for the cough. I think after lunch I will head to Walgreens and get some cough medicine (and some more Tylenol since the coughing is making my head hurt).
Wow...I seriously think this post wins the award for the most boring one I've written since I started this blog. Woo hoo.
For the past 20 minutes or so, I've been sitting here looking through my old posts (and even some old drafts that never made it on my blog). I actually was searching for one specific post that I wanted to read, but got caught up in many of the others. I started thinking that I need to write again - not just what happens in my everyday life, but really write. It has been so long. Too long.
Jason is finishing up his second writing course and has already signed up for the third. I am so thrilled for him, because he is actually making things happen, while I sit and ponder my future as a writer. Anyway, while perusing my own blog, I stumbled upon a silly post that really wasn't meant to be that silly. I was actually rather frustrated, but I used a bit of humor to get through it. I clicked on the comments and saw something that made me smile and made me feel energized to write again. Here's what Jason had to say:
"Please write a novel. Write it in first person. And let me read it during its various drafts. Because I think the literary world is missing out on you and your voice."
That is exactly what I needed - someone who thinks I can do it. So, thanks Jason for not only thinking I can do this, but for completely understanding this obsessive drive to be a writer.
Well...not that Super Tuesday. This one is quite different. Next Tuesday, Patrick and I will have our first fetal ultrasound. I am torn between extreme nervousness and absolute excitement. I am nervous because we will get a very lengthy scan to check the baby from head to toe. They will look for physical abnormalities and markers that might be predictors of birth defects - cleft palates, Down's Syndrome, spinabifida, etc. I hope and pray that everything is just fine.
I'm also excited because, pending the baby's cooperation, we will be finding out if it's a boy or a girl. I always thought I would wait to find out, and I just might have if Patrick hadn't be so insistent that we know. I was more middle of the road on the idea, while he really wanted to find out. Now I'm excited that we will know (hopefully). It's not going to make a difference on how we decorate the room - I'm not too big into frilly, lacy, pink stuff for a girl, or completely sports-related stuff for boys. And I know that the ultrasounds are not 100% accurate when it comes to determining the sex of the baby, so I'm sure we'll pick out a couple of boy names and a couple of girl names. Right now we both have individual lists that we will have to whittle down. Seriously, I don't think there is a single name that we have agreed on. Oy...this is going to be interesting.
Now I just sit here and anxiously await our Super Tuesday...