I've Been Busy

I haven't written in a while, but things have been kind of chaotic around here. We had Patrick's 40th birthday party on Saturday and there was a lot of prep work for it - shopping, cleaning the house, ordering some of the food, etc. The party was a lot of fun and I loved that I was able to see my family, although it was difficult to actually sit down with them and chat since I was running around like a crazy woman.

This coming Saturday we will be back in Chicago for Reese and Vann's birthday party - she turns 7 years old today and Vann will be 4 on Saturday! I will get the chance to sit and relax and talk to my family this time - looking forward to that.

Patrick, Duncan, and I also are in the midst of planning a vacation. In all our years together, the three of us haven't been on a "real" vacation together. Patrick and I have been on our honeymoon and a couple of other trips, and we've gone overnight with Duncan , but not a true summer vacation. Actually, Duncan has never been on a "real" vacation (he always stresses the word real which is why I keep saying it). We've decided to go to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. This was my family's vacation spot when we were kids/teens. Absolutely beautiful! We're shooting for the second week of August (I just need approval from my boss, which I don't think will be a problem). We're going to fly to Norfolk, Virginia, and drive out to the NC coast. Patrick and I did this in 2001 and 2002.

I don't know what our lives will bring in the next year. In all honesty, with my stopping the pill here very soon, there is a chance I could be pregnant next summer, or we could even have a baby. This is one reason we decided to just go for it this summer. Another reason is that we plain felt like we deserved it after being so careful with our budget for two and a half years while we tried selling the house. Believe me, a trip to NC is not as expensive as , say, Disney World, so we're still being mindful, but we really thought it was a good time to go.

We're trying to finalize plans this week, but we're all very excited - can't wait to see Duncan's face when he sees the ocean for the first time:

Oh Happy Day!

This could have been a huge disaster...but they rallied in the bottom of the 9th!

Crappy Day

I am having a completely crappy day at work. My day actually started out fine, despite the lack of sleep I got. Patrick's in Lake Geneva for a couple of days and I just don't sleep well when I'm home alone.

The day has gotten progressively worse and I'm really looking forward to going home. It doesn't feel like the project I need to complete has an end in sight - although it's due in a couple of hours...

Happy 40th Birthday Patrick!

Today is Patrick's 40th birthday! I love this picture of him (circa 1973) - cool collar, awesome 70's hair, and lookin' a bit like one of the Brady's.

The funny thing is that he still smiles like this sometimes...

One Year

One year ago tomorrow my aunt passed away. It is incredibly hard for me to believe that she is gone, let alone that an entire year has gone on without her.

I thought I would have all of these profound things to say as this day approached, but I don't. I remember how those last 12 hours transpired - all the time I spent on the phone with my mom, listening to her debate whether or not she should go to my aunt's house to say goodbye; watching the clock and waiting for the phone to ring; trying desperately to swallow my dinner, but just chewing and chewing and chewing; being afraid to go to sleep that night, anticipating the phone call that would be coming. Then I remember the phone ringing at almost 6 AM. I was sleeping very lightly and when it rang I jumped and had to reach over my husband to answer it. I knew what I was about to hear, so as I reached for the phone all I kept repeating was, "Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit." like somehow if I kept saying that I would wake up from an awful dream. But I didn't, and I heard what I didn't want to hear but what I knew was inevitable.

Once again I think about a line from one of my favorite books - The Little Prince:

" You understand...It is too far. I cannot carry this body with me. It is too heavy."

"Here it is. Let me go on by myself."

A few days before she passed away, my aunt had a huge decision to make - she could have one more potentially fatal dose of chemo or she could go home. Even after her doctor begged her to stay in the hospital, my aunt chose to go home. Someone very close to me said of this situation, "Sometimes it's just time to give up." That made me so angry because she didn't give up. She didn't lose her battle with cancer. She knew the odds. She knew what would happen to her whether she went home or she tried one more treatment. She went home to be where she loved, to be with her family, to be away from the tubes and the needles. She died on her own terms and she died with dignity. Because of that, I forever will be proud of her.

Light The Night - Location/Date Change

I received a letter from the Iowa Chapter of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society informing me that the 2007 Light The Night Walk in Dubuque has been cancelled. HOWEVER, they moved the event to downtown Davenport, Iowa and the new date is October 6th - this gives me and my team an extra month to raise money. There is an entire confusing story about the whole Dubuque versus Davenport walk site, but I'm not even going to get into it. I'm just happy they're still having a walk (especially one that is much closer to where I live).

If anyone is interested in donating and/or walking, please let me know or visit my web site: http://www.active.com/donate/ltnDesMo1/2258_tmoore2406.

Tonight I Will Cry Myself To Sleep

My husband called me at 11:30 AM to gleefully tell me some very upsetting news:

The Chicago Cubs Traded Michael Barrett to the San Diego Padres

This is not funny for two very big reasons: 1) I think he's a great player and I think the past few weeks have just been a bit of a slump for him and more importantly 2) He is my back-up/fantasy boyfriend and I will no longer be able to watch him play baseball.

So depressing.

At least I got to watch him live at the June 15th game. Here is my ode to Michael Barrett:

Michael Barrett (heavy sigh)...

Cubs Win! Cubs Win! Cubs Win!

It was quite the perfect day to spend at Wrigley Field with my dad for an early Father's Day celebration. We haven't been to a Cubs game together in many years - we both were trying to figure out what year it was (1993, perhaps?). We had a great time - got to Wrigley nice and early, found our seats, and ate our hotdogs. The last Cubs game I attended last year was downright cold (barely 40 degrees) and it was raining. Yesterday was beautiful - about 90 degrees and sunny. Fortunately, we were in the shade, so the heat didn't feel too bad.

The game had a little bit of everything - controversy, homeruns by Soriano and Fontenot, and a Cubbies win! It doesn't get better than that.

I brought both of my cameras with me (film and digital). Here are a few (ok, more than a few) of my favorite pictures:

Grammar Geek Humor

This is just too funny:

Full Circle

I've been a bad blogger recently. I've been sidelined with a series of severe migraines and haven't done much aside from take medication, sleep, and try to get my butt to work.

I've had a bunch of posts swirling around in my head for a while now and finally decided to actually write one of them. I feel somewhat out-of-shape when it comes to writing, but I'll do my best:

In 1997 my grandmother bought me a small table and four chairs for my apartment in DeKalb. She got them at Kohl's with her senior citizen discount (and was very proud of this). It was a wonderful gift that I used every day and took with me from DeKalb, back to Hoffman Estates, and eventually on to an apartment in Davenport, and then our house in Davenport, and finally in Bettendorf (where it now sits in our garage). We are slowly going through the stuff since we sold the house and determining what is junk and what can be donated to Goodwill. I initially thought the table and chairs would be nice in our basement which we pretty much use for entertainment (video games, board games, etc.), but sometimes we sleep down there during those really hot nights. It's incredibly dark and cool down there - so much in fact that we now call our basement "The Bat Cave".

We haven't gotten far back enough in our garage to reach the table, so it hasn't exactly made it downstairs yet. This is a good thing because my grandfather has taken the plunge and will be moving into an assisted living center near my parents. He will be taking with him his bed, recliner, dresser, and nightstand (and his stacks of books). His kitchenette is large enough to hold a small table and chairs. When my mom told me this, I immediately thought of the set purchased by my grandma. It would be perfect for my grandpa. The more I thought about it, the more perfect it seemed to be. That table has travelled with me throughout Illinois (and a bit of Iowa), and now will be used by my grandpa. This is the man who no matter what, offers to help us out any chance he gets. It is nice to be able to do something for him for a change.

So it seems as though this table and chair set has, in a way, come full circle. I wonder where it will end up next?

Change Of Plans

I had a great topic that I wanted to post last night, but things kind of went in a different direction. That means that I was exhausted, ate dinner, watched the Cubs beat the Astros, and went to bed relatively early.

I woke up with a horrible migraine this morning at about 4 AM. I've taken all the medication I can have at this point, so I sit here at work with a headache and feeling quite loopy.

My other topic will have to wait until I'm feeling better.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I really hate playing second fiddle to Little League...

Who Couldn't Use A Second Mother?

I had a dream about my aunt the other night. Nothing major - she and I were talking and laughing on the phone. That was it. Short and sweet.

Needless to say, she has been on my mind - especially since we're approaching the one-year anniversary of her death. However, I have decided to post something fun about her. One of my many hilarious (and touching) stories of why I loved her so much and how, despite being my aunt, she was more like my second mother.

In 1998, I was at the end of a 2-year relationship with someone (we shall refer to him as "D"). Our relationship had pretty much run it's course, although neither of us was willing to actually put an end to it. After two years, that can be kind of hard. I still had some hope we could work things out, and he told me the same.

Just a bit if background: D and I met at work - a local high school where my aunt also worked. I eventually left that job and went to grad school about 50 miles away. Things were great for a while, but as I said before, towards the end of that second year, things just didn't seem right. I was driving home one night in December after taking my last final exam of the semester when I saw D driving in the opposite direction. Something in my gut just told me that this was not a good thing. To this day I don't know why I felt that, but I could literally feel that something was wrong. I got home and said something to my mom about it - why would D be out in that specific area? She got this look on her face and told me that I should give my aunt a call. So I did.

I remember my hands were shaking as I dialed her number, and when she got on the phone I told her I had just seen D and I knew she knew something. "How much do you want to know?," she asked. "I want to know everything," I responded.

And she told me everything. She told me about the love notes he wrote and received from another teacher in his department. She told me about how they "wished" he could get out of his "situation". She told me how he couldn't look her in the eye when he'd pass her in the halls. She told me that the night he was to have dinner with me (as we tried to salvage what was left), he blew me off and went on a date with this woman.

I cried and I got angry - using every swear word imaginable. I asked her how long she knew and she told me she had known for a few weeks but didn't want me to tell me until I had finished my exams - knowing that I could not have focused enough to pass them.

My aunt never treated him the same way after that. She refused to do him any favors at work like she used to do. A couple of months later, when he had the nerve to actually call me, he said, "It looks like I crossed the wrong person" (referring to me). I said, "You crossed the wrong family."

I know how hard it must have been for my aunt to tell me what D had done to me. I know it hurt her like it hurt me. But I love her for it.

And in a bit of irony, after she passed away, D e-mailed me telling me how much he would miss her and that she was always so nice to him. I thought, "You have no idea the things she said about you." I guess he'll never know...

Just a reminder - we're walking in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk on September 8th. Even if you're not going to donate, please check out my web page to learn more about blood cancers and to see a picture of my aunt:

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnDesMo1/2258_tmoore2406

Post Secret

I know I've posted before about the Post Secret site before, but there were a few secrets this week that really stuck with me. I think it's because of the dip in my emotions after a long day with a migraine, but I just love these:

Prisoner

I've been having migraines just about every day for the past week. Not sure why. I woke up this morning with a horrific migraine - it actually woke me up. The hard part about the really bad ones is that you know you need medication, but the thought of even moving makes it worse. So I stayed in bed for 30 minutes contemplating my next move. I eventually got up and took a painkiller. Nothing. I waited until 9:30 AM and took another one, but this time I ate some breakfast. A little better, but not much. We had a family reunion/picnic planned for 12 PM, and as I sat in the car in the grocery store parking lot while my husband bought some ice, I caught a glimpse of myself in the side mirror. I looked awful - pale, tired, and I had such a look of disgust on my face (sort of like when you smell something bad). When he got back to the car I was about to tell him to take me home, but I decided to go. Eating helped a bit, but I ended up taking a third painkiller a couple of hours later.

We got home and I crashed on the couch. I awoke and still had pain - another painkiller. I tried to get up and get some water, but apparently my brain was not working in conjunction with my feet and legs. A couple of crashes into the door and I just flopped back down on the couch.

I'm trying to put a funny spin on this, but it actually is quite depressing to me. I have become a prisoner in my own body - unable to escape not only the pain of migraines, but the ability to know when the next one will strike.

I am tired of this. I want my life back.

Anger Management

This happened on Friday:

Then this happened today:

Definitely a rough weekend for the Cubs and their fans. I don't like saying this, but I'm not sure things can be salvaged at this point. But it's early June - anything can happen. It looks like it already has...