A Bad Habit

I have a bad habit, I suspect like many people have, of letting time slip away from me. The best example I have is this past summer. During the tail end of winter, I would daydream about the days growing warmer and longer. I would think of taking long walks after dinner and going for nighttime drives with the windows rolled down. Then, before I knew it, spring had slipped away and the hot days of summer were here. I regretfully let most of them slip away, too. It wasn't until our family vacation that I realized how much time had passed unnoticed by me. I spent that week of vacation trying to catch up on those lost days - trying my best to capture an entire summer in one short week. An impossible, and quite desperate, task.

Why do I do this? I wish for something - warm weather, lazy days and nights, the freedom that comes with not being forced to wear constrictive winter clothing (hats, boots, scarves, heavy sweaters) - but I don't enjoy it when it's right in front of me. I get caught up in the "everydayness" of life - work, grocery shopping, paying bills, yard work, etc. I walk out of a long day of work, breathe in the hot summer air, and drive home to an empty house. The sink is filled with dishes. My head is filled with all the mundane tasks of being a homeowner. I grow tired and weary and, despite what I really want, I sit. I sit because my body tells me to do it. I know I should get up and take a walk. I know that I should take a drive with my husband at night. The days are growing shorter, and before long, I will be cold and dreaming of warm summer nights.

The weather has been unseasonably warm these past few days. I have not complained once because I know this is probably it until next year. I got home from work, looked at the dirty dishes in the sink, and headed straight for the front door. I grabbed my book and sat on our front porch. The weather was perfect - warm, but not too humid. I read, but every once in a while would lift my head as I heard neighbors chatting and cars driving by and the distant hum of a lawnmower - the sounds of summer.

I wish I hadn't let so much time slip away.