A Waiting Game...

Waiting for someone you love to die is the weirdest sensation. Those words don't even begin to encompass what it truly fees like. I had an odd feeling this morning when I tried to call Mom, but she didn't answer. Dad told me she was giving her some medication - morphine drops (never knew those existed). I felt like something was very, very wrong. You know that feeling? Mom calls a couple of hours later and I can hear her voice cracking and hear her trying to hold back the flood of tears that want to just rush forward - all those months of tears. She could be gone within a few hours. Hours? Are you serious? The other day they said maybe a month. How do you go from having one month to live, to only a few hours? I can't process the finality of this information. I can't process that she will no longer (physically) exist in our lives. She is too young. Too vibrant. Too funny.

My hands are shaking. My legs are shaking. I drove to the Catholic church across the street from our house. I went to the chapel to say one last prayer. I'm kicking myself because last night I fell asleep without saying the prayer I have been for the past few days. Did I really think this prayer would keep her alive and cure her? No, but that Catholic guilt really kicks in...

So, now we wait.

Random Things About Me...

1. I have another cold - this is the third in as many months.

2. I am addicted to CSI.

3. I didn't wash my hair today, but I still had a good hair day :-)

4. I haven't had chocolate in almost 5 months...

5. I really don't miss chocolate.

6. OK, I really do miss brownies :-)

7. I love the Cubs!

8. Husband and I froze our butts off at a May 12th Cubs game (42 degrees and raining!).

9. I just did some dishes and now my hands feel dry and cracked.

10. We have a nice dishwasher, but I always wash the big pots & pans by hand.

11. I'm tired of only being able to breathe out of one nostril.

12. I am half finished with crocheting a shawl - it has been too warm lately to work on it.

13. My sister sent me an awesome care package in the mail the other day - including pics of my niece and nephew.

14. This is going to be a stressful week at work :-(

15. I'm really thirsty - for a Coke.

16. I need to stop drinking so much Coke.

17. I need to clean the house, but I don't feel like it.

18. I need to get dinner started, but I don't feel like it.

19. I could use a new pair of black sandals I can wear to work, but I shouldn't spend the money.

20. I pray every day that someone will buy our house...

Things I am Grateful For...

1. My general good health (stuffy nose and all - I'm relatively healthy).

2. My family...both near and far.

3. My job - I might not always be happy to go to work, but I am employed and do something that I enjoy.

4. The fact that I can walk, talk, and think clearly (most of the time) - I tend to take these simple things for granted.

5. My home - a place to go to when I'm sick, tired, sad, and scared. It's a place where I feel safe even when I feel like things are out of control.

Something To Think About

I found this quote the other day - can't remember where. It seems fitting for the family situation we're dealing with:

"God never promised life would be fair. The promise was that when you inevitably have to confront the unfairness of life, He will be with you."

That's all I can pray for...

Not Happy...

I have a bad migraine. It started this morning, but wasn't too bad. Took something for the pain and thought it was getting better. Took more meds a couple of hours later. I forced myself to eat lunch and then that's when it really hit. I took more meds and asked my husband to pick up my prescription at Walgreens. Took two different prescriptions about 2 hours ago. Thought it was getting better, so I came downstairs to get online. Not a good idea. Pain. Lots of pain. Going back to bed...