The Things I'll Miss Most...

I go back to work tomorrow morning. Part of me is excited - it will be nice to have more adult conversations and to be in a social environment. I kind of miss the excitement of meeting grant deadlines and really using my brain. On the other hand, I will miss Griffin terribly. I'll miss our early morning walks through the neighborhood. I'll miss our "conversations" about life - whether or not I should still try writing that book I've always wanted to write, how I want him to grow up and not let fear rule his life like it did mine, and how he should always be an understanding and compassionate human being. I'll miss taking him all over town with me to Target and the grocery store and the library. We had the whole day to ourselves and each morning we'd make a list of the places we needed to go. I'll miss his smile, which each day gets bigger and bigger. I'll miss his almost-giggle...and I dread not being the first to actually hear it. I'll miss him holding my hand when I feed him in the middle of the day. I'll miss making up silly songs while I try quieting him during one of his fussy/colicky episodes. I'll miss him knowing the exact moment I sit down for lunch (he inevitably wakes up at this time and starts crying). I'll miss watching him discover the world. I'll miss...well, I'll just miss Griffin.

I had a long talk with him last night. I know he doesn't understand my words, but I told him how much I will miss him. I told him that if we could afford it, I would stay home with him. I know it sounds silly, but I don't ever want him to think I chose work ahead of him.

I'm dreading tomorrow morning. I know that I will cry when I get to work. I hate this. I really hate this...

Shots and Stats

Griffin had his 2-month check-up this morning. This meant that he needed to endure his first round of vaccinations. One was oral and he took that like a champ (I think he thought it was a snack or something). Then he had three shots. He screamed as expected, but he calmed down pretty quickly. Maybe it was those super cool blue Crayola crayon band-aids they gave him. I wasn't too upset by the process because when he screamed, he sounded just like he does during a colicky episode...

He now is a whopping 12 lbs 10 oz and 23 and 1/2 inches long. We can kiss those 0-3 month clothes goodbye!

Oh...and yesterday Patrick and I celebrated 4 years of marriage. We went to dinner at Granite City and we stuffed ourselves with food...and ate the most decadent dessert ever. And we did this all in silence (Griffin was with his grandparents). Ahh...a meal without interruptions.

All the Way

Jason - Don't even bother watching this because it will only fuel your dislike of the Cubs and Cubs fans :-) Don't worry, your beloved White Sox will be in the post season. Let's just unite and rejoice that the Yankees' season ends this week...

Go Cubs Go!

Griffin at 8 Weeks

Yay...another smile! I'm hoping that soon the smiles outnumber the screams...

A Desperate Deal

I would sell my soul to the devil himself to make the screaming stop.

And the Worst Night Turns Into the Worst Day

I can't do this anymore...

I'll Try Anything

Griffin and I listened to the following song for about 30 minutes straight very early this morning. I just kept hitting "replay":

The Worst Night EVER

In a follow-up to the colic post...it still sucks.

We don't know what to do anymore. Everything that used to work isn't working tonight. Since 12:30 PM, when it all started, I/we have done the following:

- Taken Griffin on a walk in his stroller
- Walked throughout the neighborhood with him in his Baby Bjorn
- Fed him
- Burped him
- Changed him
- Placed him in his bouncy seat
- Read to him
- Sat outside on the porch with him
- Sang to him
- Took him for a 90-minute drive around Bettendorf
- Rocked him
- Bounced him
- Took him for another stroller walk
- Fed him in his stroller
- Walked up and down the driveway with him
- Swaddled him and rocked him
- Took him for another car ride

Right now Patrick has him in the car and is driving around. I think he might go to his parents' house for a bit. We are completely frazzled. I don't know what to do anymore, but I'm freaking out because Patrick has meetings all day tomorrow, and I just don't know if I can handle another day of this. It sounds so dramatic, but I am so anxious just thinking about tomorrow. The mere thought of another day of crying and screaming and helplessness makes me feel so overwhelmed and trapped. It's like I can't breathe.

I can't do this. I can't do another day of this.

Colic Sucks!

Enough said.

{This is a horrible follow-up to my last post of those smiling pictures, but seriously, I'm losing my mind.}

The Progression of a Smile

(Taken on 9/7/08)