Waiting...

Today is the day we are supposed to find out the results of my father's biopsy. I'm working from home today, and it is so quiet in the house. I know I won't hear anything for a while because my dad actually isn't even home. He decided to go the Museum of Science and Industry today with my mom, my sister, and my niece and nephew. He decided that he could not sit at home and just wait for the doctor to call. I think this was a good decision.

A few years ago my father had another cancer scare. He was once again waiting for biopsy results for prostate cancer. The day before he was to get the results, we were sitting and talking about everything else but cancer. All of a sudden, my dad got very quiet and said, "What if everything isn't OK? What will I do?" I'm sure I wasn't any help, but I told him that we didn't even need to think about that until we got the results. Easier said than done, but I didn't know what else to say.

So once again we find ourselves waiting. I am trying to take my own advice and not worry about it until I hear the news. I realized this morning that I haven't even said a prayer. I don't believe that it would help. Whatever is going to happen will happen whether or not I pray for a good outcome. That might sound pessimistic, but it's true. When my aunt was dying, my father confided in me that he would pray while he waited for his biopsy results - pray that he wouldn't have cancer. He told me something that I thought was quite profound. He said, "Who the hell am I not to get cancer? What makes me so special that I should be spared from this disease?"

Ugh. I hate this not in control feeling...